Deployment: Day 58

How the fuck can you do this to me?  Its nothing new, I've down the rules since the beginning.  I knew you'd be fucking her, making love to her...whatever it is you feel driven to do, since we started this.  I fucking hate it.  How can you tell me you love me more than I'll ever know?  That you hate hurting me?  That you want to take care of me forever?  How can you tell me that you agree with me....that you've made the decision...just can't 'voice it yet'...that you've chosen me??  How can you do all of that and still leave me in 2 weeks to slide back into her arms?!  Why the fuck do you have to do this???  Why can't you let things simmer down between you, why can't you let things change?  Why can't you stop my torment?  Why must you rip my heart out and destroy it over and over again??  And saying that I have a choice...that I needn't do anything I don't want to do is bullshit and you know it!  I fucking love you!!!  I won't leave you...I'll let you fucking destroy me, over and over and over again...until my heart is nothing but a fucking bloody stain on the rug.  I'll do it because you're all I want, you're what I need in your life....you are ALL I need to be happy.  Why can't I be enough for you?  What am I fucking missing to make you stop killing me with her?  What more do I have to be to be enough???