So I wrote a rather late posting yesterday which actually qualified as being posted today on day 22, really it should be a day 21 posting...in the grand scheme of things I reckon it doesn't really matter. Things are holding steady for us right now. Us as a couple are doing well I think, our conversations for the most part, have been light and fun. We are definitely connecting extremely well sexually, and God knows our love for each other seems to be doing nothing but growing. All in all I think we're in a good place. Surprising given that just a week and a half ago your ex had discovered us and demanded you walk away.
I honestly didn't expect to have you come back to me. Of course, it wasn't in the way I would have fully hoped. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a large part of me hoping beyond anything, that you'd choose to walk away from your ex and stay with me. Without a doubt I knew that there was not a hope in the world of that actually happening. However, that would have been my happy little wish come true out of a nightmarish situation. I believed you'd walk, I believed that you would say you were destroyed but you had to leave. I never really expected you to stay, and in smaller order you really did make my dream come true.
Is it bad that my 'dream come true' is for you to come back so I can remain a mistress? Probably. I'm not blind to that, I can't be, I simply have to keep my head out of the clouds for as long as possible this time around. I also know that I may not be able to keep that up long term. Its so easy to get lost in the fantasy of living happily ever after with you, especially since its a fantasy that you agree is more than a fantasy. You agree its a possibility, and something that you too, desire. I suppose looking at myself as a mistress right now is simply premature. As of right now I'm dating you. You have another woman you're dating, that you're intimate with. I get that. Some folks would say that what you're doing is wrong. There are plenty that would say since you're not married, not engaged, that really there is nothing wrong in what we're doing.
Except...for this...
I'm not allowed, and neither is Tara, to browse the market as you take your time between both of us. Frankly its not something I want, I have less than zero desire to see what else is out there...but there is something that feels a bit off about not even having the option if I want to keep you in my life. Again, probably just me having a temper tantrum of sorts. Definitely nothing I'd ever voice to you. The reason I'd never voice it is because its nothing I'm taking seriously. I don't actually want to browse the market....I just sort of hate that it feels like a 'do as I say, not as I do' sort of situation. Its something I don't expect from you, but I realize that's partially because there are feelings involved not logical thinking. I know viscerally you just cannot stand the idea of someone else holding me or your ex...I get that. But I also have the right to let it piss me off a bit.
I'm sure there was a lot more I intended to put into this, but to be honest our chat time on Skype is quickly approaching and I don't want to miss it....I love you...always I love you...
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