Nothing much to write today. I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping well. Even with the pills and the vodka anymore. Nothing seems to help. I wake up and wander around in a daze from about 0500 until I try to go to sleep at 2300. Sometimes I nap, sometimes I don't. I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack constantly. I don't know what to do with myself. Don't know how to make this better, how to cope more effectively. The truth of it all is that I miss you, and I don't know how to stop missing you. I wish I could just remove you from my thoughts, like taking a picture off a shelf...but I can't. You're always there, always front and center and its because I love you so damn much.
I feel like I've finally reached a peak of exhaustion where my body won't be able to defy sleep anymore. I hope to God that's the case. I need some sleep before I get to you in 4 days. Maybe tonight's the night. All I know is I can't wait to see you. I love you. You're with your ex, I'm assuming sharing a bed, tonight. Tonight...once again I'll fall asleep wrapped around my stuffed animal hippo, once again alone....and once again lonely with no one to hold me. This is my future. Possibly for the rest of my life. What more is there to say?
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